Tag Archives for " inferior "

The source of all arrogance (and how to deal with it)

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

When I was 12 years old, the entire ensemble of my female classmates sat me down during recess and unanimously rejected me as a friend.

I had always known that I wasn’t the most popular girl in class. But in that very moment I became an exile. Persona non grata. Outcast, unwanted, unacceptable. And the reason they gave was simple.

I was too arrogant. Thought I was better than they were. Looked down on them.

Which left me puzzled, shocked and confused. All my life I had struggled with low self-worth, considered myself inferior to others. Irrelevant, not good enough. A lesser human being.

How could anybody believe I was arrogant? How could I look down on others from my lowly position amidst a world of superiors?

For years, the accusation haunted me. Stopped me from increasing my self-worth and improving my confidence. For fear I would be rejected once more for my alleged arrogance.
And still sometimes today, when I feel particularly good about myself, I tend to caution myself not to show it. I conceal the fact that I feel worthy, strong and confident. So, I won’t appear arrogant.

Because I suspect that, all those years ago, my classmates’ charges might have been justified.

How to stop obsessing over your mistakes

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

Yesterday I had a meeting at a hospital about an hour away from home. And I had to drive there!

If you’ve been reading my blog posts for a while, you know that I suffered from colossal driving anxiety only a few years ago. And I didn’t get my first car (a funky orange Ford Fiesta called Cecil), until I was 28 years old.

I now believe myself to be a competent drive. However, going somewhere I’ve never been before still makes me nervous. But with the mantra “feel the fear and do it anyway”, I set off. And all went well.

Until I arrived at the hospital and the Satnav told me to turn left. Which I did.

A bit too early.

Finding myself in the “Strictly for ambulances only” entrance of the hospital. In a slight panic, I searched for a way out, while the SatNav blared “Perform a U-turn when possible”. As if to mock me in my distress.

I ended up turning around in front of the emergency department entrance. Hanging my head in shame as patients, paramedics and doctors witnessed me blocking the ambulance access.

I escaped eventually and found my way into the main patient and visitor car park.

And as I sat in my car, breathing a big sigh of relief, I realised something astonishing.

How to overcome low self-worth in 3 simple steps

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

Let me ask you a question.

Is it important for you to have worth?

Most people would answer yes. After all, you want to be worthy of happiness, fulfilment, love and abundance. You yearn for other people to accept, respect and admire you.

And if you don’t have worth, if you aren’t deserving of the good things in life, you will be deprived of them. Condemned to suffer in misery, isolation and austerity.

You have to prove your worth, work hard, be perfect, sacrifice in order to fulfil the requirements for a happy life. You have to earn it. Right?

Well, not quite…

The 69 most common signs of low self-worth

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

It’s odd, isn’t it?

When your life just doesn’t feel right. When happiness, contentment and fulfilment seem far away.

Yet, you don’t quite know why.

Generally, your life isn’t all bad. And you feel that you should be happier. That you should be grateful for what you have and make the best of it. ​But too many struggles, anxieties and worries darken your days. Too much negativity circles in your mind. You ​feel unbalanced, out of control. Stuck.

​You have trouble believing in yourself and your own abilities. Somehow, other people always seem ahead of you. More important. Their achievements superior to yours.

We tend to believe that we are born to be socially awkward, a procrastinator, people-pleaser, push-over or under-achiever. We think we are doomed to live with fear and anxiety because of our inherent nervous disposition.

We are convinced that we are condemned to a life of mediocrity, inferiority and “just getting by”. That’s just what it is. Not everybody can achieve greatness, stand out, matter. Not all of us are destined for happiness, purpose and abundance.

​Not all of us are good enough. Bad luck, right?

But ​has it ever occurred to you that all of your struggles might just be signs of low self-worth?​

How to overcome fear of judgement

By Dr Berni Sewell | Overcome your fears

My husband recently acquired a new Christmas jumper. Yes, this is him modelling it in the picture! He wears it everywhere. Dropping little one off at school, to shopping, to the cinema, at restaurants. EVERYWHERE!

And not only is the jumper visually…well, let’s say flamboyant, the eyes also light up and it plays the Darth Vader theme. I kid you not!

A few years ago, I would have been mortified. Incapable of walking alongside him while his belly was trumpeting the Imperial March.

A few years ago, I would have been so embarrassed that I wanted to crawl and hide in a hole somewhere. My face would have been bright red with shame. I would have looked around anxiously, horrified of the judgement in the eyes of the passers-by.

And I would have been furious with my husband for putting me through it all. Intentionally! I would have blamed him and resented him for my suffering.

But today, I think it’s hilarious. I am actually considering getting one for myself. Because I learned two crucial truths in the past 10 years that made all the difference.

I am completely unremarkable, so what?

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

I am not especially talented, particularly pretty or extraordinarily clever. I am probably quite average. Nothing about me stands out from the crowd. Which used to bother me. A lot.

So, all my life, I was yearning to be someone special, to achieve something special or be part of something special.

As a teenager, I made a big deal out of a minor skin condition I was born with because it made me stand out from the crowd. I worked my socks off to achieve good grades in school and gain higher qualifications so I would in some way be notable.

And I went out of my way to help others achieve their dreams and goals (e.g. my first boyfriend’s rock band, my husband’s business or charity volunteering), so I would be the supporting act of something amazing.

But it never worked. Here’s why…

61 symptoms of a hidden dis-ease that sabotages your life

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

You feel stuck. You are unhappy. The time has come. You need to improve your life. You can’t go on like this.

So you prepare. You do your research. You read all the popular advice. You are determined to turn things around this time, once and for all. You hit the gym and embark on another diet but you soon lose momentum. So you remind yourself that everyone is beautiful in their own special way. But, deep inside, you suspect this doesn’t apply to you.

You update your CV and you will send it to higher paying employers…tomorrow. You hope to turn your talents into income one day but you seriously doubt anybody would pay for what you have to offer (even if you had something to offer in the first place). You attempt to stop comparing yourself to other people but your sister is so much better at it than you are. You push yourself to think positively but secretly can’t believe that good things will ever happen to you. You crafted “what I like about myself” and “what I am grateful for” lists but you question how accurately they reflect reality.

All these tried and tested techniques promise to transform struggles and suffering into success and happiness. They help so many other people. Why don’t they work for you? Why can’t you triumph over the disaster that is your life? You tried EVERYTHING! What is wrong with you??!!!!

The answer is simple: NOTHING! You are merely betting on the wrong horse!