All Posts by Dr Berni Sewell

Know your worth – the easiest way to overcome anxiety and low confidence

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

Never feeling good enough, no matter how hard you try, can make you feel like a fraud, ruin your self-confidence, and cause a massive amount of stress and anxiety.

And most of the time you will blame yourself. And sometimes you may even hate yourself or believe that you are a failure.

When in fact, it isn’t your fault at all.

Because your feelings of never being good enough are merely a logical, and unfortunately unavoidable, consequence of the way we were all brought up.

But there is ONE thing you can do to ban the feeling of “not good enough” from your life and finally overcome anxiety and low confidence.

How to love and accept your flawesome Self

By Dr Berni Sewell | Love yourself

“If one more person tells me to love myself first, I am going to punch them in the face.”

I had been talking to a lovely, young man who was having trouble finding love. He told me that he couldn’t love himself if nobody else did.

And I had just suggested that his worth did not depend on whether others loved and accepted him. And that, maybe…just maybe, it was time to focus on loving himself first before he could find romance and a relationship with somebody else.

And the above was his answer.

Reading Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani’s new book “Becoming Flawesome” recently reminded me of this episode.

And I of course understand where he is coming from. Why he feels that he can’t love himself.

After all, we have been told all our lives that we must earn love and happiness. We must be deserving of it. And to become deserving of love, we must have enough worth.

And to have enough worth, we must be perfect. In every way.

Which is the main reason why we struggle so much to love and accept ourselves…

How to overcome your fears (without having to find the courage)

By Dr Berni Sewell | Overcome your fears

For years, I have wanted nothing more but to leave my day job behind. And earn a living doing what I love, by helping and supporting others, providing healing and information so they can improve their life.

But somehow, it never happens.

Because all my attempts are half-hearted and whenever I do see progress, I self-sabotage. Simply because I am scared.

I fear the consequences of leaving a job that pays well, even if it is boring and I am not passionate about it. I worry that I will fail if I give my own venture an actual, serious try and that would mean game (and hopes) over.

So, an unsurmountable wall of fear always towered between me and my dreams. And I believed that the reason why I could not overcome my fears was that I lacked the courage.

Sure, I tried. But fear was always stronger. I am just not a courageous person. End of story.

But then, out of the blue (and with some equine help), I discovered a way out of my courage conundrum.

Or should I say…a way around it.

What to do when life is suffering – a eulogy

By Dr Berni Sewell | Discover your happiness

I had big plans for the beginning of 2022:

Launch this year’s round of the BREAK FREE from Low Self-Worth online course. Create a thriving new Facebook page for The Self-Worth Experiment. And start work on a new online course to teach people who suffer with fear and anxiety practical techniques of how to find peace and calm.

And then my Grandma died. And I found myself travelling to Austria for the funeral instead…

How to stop worrying what other people think of you

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

People often ask me how I can be so vulnerable and disclose so many of my struggles, issues and anxieties on my blog and in my emails.

“Aren’t you worried what other people will think of you?”, they ask.

“Won’t people believe you are cuckoo when you talk so openly about your many problems and the battles that go on in your head?”

“Aren’t you scared your employer will read what you write and think less of you?”

“What if your friends and family find out about your problems with anxiety and low self-worth and judge you for it?”

All valid considerations of course.

And a few years ago, I would have shared these concerns. In fact, I would not have admitted my struggles at all. Not to my friends or colleagues, not to anybody. And certainly not publicly on the internet for everybody to see.

Because I would have been terrified of the inevitable judgement.

So, what changed? Why doesn’t it bother me any longer now? Well, let me tell you…

3 surprising steps to conquer your fears

By Dr Berni Sewell | Overcome your fears

How many things in life have you missed out on because you were too scared? And how many chances have you not taken because of fear?

My whole life, fear stopped me from doing so many amazing things that I would have enjoyed, that would have enriched my life.

I could never travel because I was terrified of trains and planes. And I was anxious of going places I had never been before, of the risks, traps and threats that awaited me at my unknown destination.

I couldn’t drive a car. Because I was horrified I might stall the car at the crossroads and everybody would think I was an incompetent imbecile. I was worried I may accidentally hit someone, or be hit myself and get hurt.

I couldn’t even go to the movies. Because I was so scared about what the other people would think of me if I had to get up in the middle of the film to use the toilet.

And when I faced the decision whether I should move to the UK from Austria, where I grew up, fear completely paralysed me. My thoughts and worries were spiralling out of control. Endless scenarios played in my mind about the potential disastrous consequences of my choices. A relentless barrage of “What ifs” kept me up at night.

And I could just not make a decision.

I knew the offer I had to start a fully-funded PhD studentship was an excellent opportunity I would not get in Austria. But my fear wouldn’t even let me consider it.

And at this point, I had to find a way to conquer my fears. Or else I would miss out on what transpired to be a life-changing experience.

And, as it turned out, there are only 3 slightly wacky (but very powerful) steps we need to take to stop fear from stopping us.

How to stop punishing yourself for your mistakes

By Dr Berni Sewell | Love yourself

“Stupid, stupid, stupid!” How could I have made such a mistake?

I fought the urge to bang my head against the wall. My heart was being crushed by a furious fist. I gasped for air and wiped the tears off my cheeks.

My mind was spinning out of control, replaying the screw-up and worrying about its consequences.

I shouldn’t have told Emma that Jen’s boyfriend dumped her. It just slipped out. What if Jen told me in confidence? What if she didn’t want anybody to know?

What if Emma called Jen to offer support? Jen would know I had spilled her secret, broken her trust.
Would she be mad? Disappointed? Would she never speak to me again?

My stomach cramped and my legs felt weak. People barely tolerated me as it was. I couldn’t afford to mess up like this.

Maybe it wasn’t too late? I could call Emma and implore her not to tell Jen that I told her. Or maybe I could deny my mistake. Or somehow cover it up, or blame somebody else.

I started to panic. Why did I have to be such an idiot? Why couldn’t I just keep stuff to myself instead of blabbing it out?

No wonder people kept rejecting me. I always did and said the wrong things. I made so many mistakes.
And I had no idea what to do about that. At least not back then…

How to feel good about yourself (without even trying)

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

How long have you been trying to feel good about yourself? How long have you struggled to be more, become “a better version of you”? So, you can feel worthy of other people’s love and acceptance. And your own.

And for how long have you felt ashamed of yourself, disappointed in yourself because you still feel worthless? Because no matter what you try, which path you walk, how much effort you put into it, you always fail.

And even if you know, theoretically, that you ARE worth personified, it seems impossible to find your true worth in your heart. You repeat the affirmation, but it’s empty words without meaning. It’s not your reality, it doesn’t ring true. Deep down, you just cannot believe it.

Your mind keeps insisting that your only chance to ever have any worth is to work hard and sacrifice yourself to the relentless pursuit of ever more accomplishments and possessions. To be a success.
But you are never good enough.

And you try to fight it. You battle against the whispers that emanate from deep within your mind. You cling on to hope.

But the voices inside your head are getting louder, more overwhelming, undefeatable: You are worthless.

And everything else you try to tell yourself is just a pipe dream. There is nothing out there for you. Because you deserve nothing. You are nothing. And, sometimes, you hate yourself for it.

But you know what? This will sound weird but being NOTHING is exactly what you need to feel good about yourself. Let me explain…

Why you never feel good enough (and how to change that)

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

For most of my life, I felt not good enough, inferior to others. And I believed that I couldn’t have what I truly desired because of it.

I yearned for a life of purpose and adventure, for excitement and extraordinary experiences. But I didn’t think I was special or brave enough.

I wanted to become a fiction writer since I was 8 years old. But I didn’t feel talented, creative or eloquent enough.

I ached to express my true Self and claim my place in this world, to just be me without apologies, doubts or fears. But I was never confident enough to pull it off, always too worried what other people would think of me.

I never felt important enough to amount to much in work and life. And I believed I was not tall or slender enough to feel good in my own body.

My entire life, I barely scraped the surface of my potential. I rarely allowed myself to shine or be me. And I always quit my dreams before I even gave them a try.

Because I thought that dreams were not for people like me. They were for better people.

And, because of that, I believed that I had to become better to finally deserve the things I desired. I obsessed about proving my worth, worked myself into the ground, adapted, distorted, exaggerated to become more special, more relevant.

But no matter what I achieved, how much I bent and faked, sacrificed myself to the obsessive pursuit of becoming a better version of myself, still I never felt good enough.

And for a long time, I resented myself for this inability to measure up. I beat myself up for being such a failure.

When it wasn’t my fault at all.

20 truths about low self-worth I wish I had known 20 years ago

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

Twenty years ago, I lived in a constant state of “not good enough”.

I felt inferior to everyone I met, which caused social anxiety and forced me to avoid social gatherings and meeting other people.

I never believed in myself or my abilities. Low confidence and self-doubt shot me down whenever I attempted something new and worthwhile. Which kept me stuck in an inescapable state of mediocrity.
And made me beat myself up for my failure to become more than the pathetic disappointment I was.

I lay awake at night, worrying about the awful things other people may say or think about me. Overanalysing every interaction that day, to gauge where I had made a fool of myself, and how long it would be until I would be rejected. And anxious about the terrifying tasks of the next day that always seemed overwhelming and too big to handle.

In relationships, I was a pushover and people pleaser because I felt unacceptable and unlovable. And hoped I could buy some love if I pleased and served non-stop. As a consequence, people often took advantage of me, my relationships were mostly one-sided, and I was unhappy.

And I was so used to hiding my true Self that I didn’t even know who I was anymore, what I wanted from life. I just tried to get through each day without humiliating myself or being criticised or having a panic attack.

And it took all the strength I had not to hate my worthless butt. I had dreams, hopes and goals. But they seemed unreachable, ridiculous pipe dreams of a chronic loser who would never amount to anything.

In one word, my life was suffering.
All because I didn’t know 20 things about low self-worth I know today.