Tag Archives for " worthlessness "

The 3 eye-opening truths that will make you immune to criticism

By Dr Berni Sewell | Overcome your fears

Several years ago, I was part of a multidisciplinary team updating a national guideline for breast cancer detection and management.

I finished a presentation of the research plan to 20 leading oncologists and cancer geneticists, as one of them stood up, shook his head in disapproval and said:

“This is all wrong! We are dealing with an important issue here. People’s lives are at stake. We can’t have your inexperience screw this up. What are you? A student? This is not up to scratch.”

As you can imagine I was stunned. Hurt. And angry. We had worked hard on the research plan and it was good.

A sharp, burning feeling spread through my throat as I suppressed tears. I wanted to defend myself and my work. Tell him what an ignorant, arrogant idiot he was.

But instead, I mumbled: “Ok, we will revisit it until the next meeting”. And excused myself to cry in the toilet where nobody would see it.

At the time, his criticism crushed me. Made me doubt my abilities. For days I replayed the events in my mind. Overanalysed what had gone wrong, what I could have done better to avoid the inquisition. And beat myself up for stupid mistakes I made and for not standing up for myself.

If the same happened to me again now, I would react differently.

It wouldn’t offend and hurt me, or knock my confidence. Because I know 3 important truths about criticism today that could have spared me a lot of suffering, upset and heartache.

If only someone had told me 10 years ago…

How to overcome fear of judgement

By Dr Berni Sewell | Overcome your fears

My husband recently acquired a new Christmas jumper. Yes, this is him modelling it in the picture! He wears it everywhere. Dropping little one off at school, to shopping, to the cinema, at restaurants. EVERYWHERE!

And not only is the jumper visually…well, let’s say flamboyant, the eyes also light up and it plays the Darth Vader theme. I kid you not!

A few years ago, I would have been mortified. Incapable of walking alongside him while his belly was trumpeting the Imperial March.

A few years ago, I would have been so embarrassed that I wanted to crawl and hide in a hole somewhere. My face would have been bright red with shame. I would have looked around anxiously, horrified of the judgement in the eyes of the passers-by.

And I would have been furious with my husband for putting me through it all. Intentionally! I would have blamed him and resented him for my suffering.

But today, I think it’s hilarious. I am actually considering getting one for myself. Because I learned two crucial truths in the past 10 years that made all the difference.

I am completely unremarkable, so what?

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

I am not especially talented, particularly pretty or extraordinarily clever. I am probably quite average. Nothing about me stands out from the crowd. Which used to bother me. A lot.

So, all my life, I was yearning to be someone special, to achieve something special or be part of something special.

As a teenager, I made a big deal out of a minor skin condition I was born with because it made me stand out from the crowd. I worked my socks off to achieve good grades in school and gain higher qualifications so I would in some way be notable.

And I went out of my way to help others achieve their dreams and goals (e.g. my first boyfriend’s rock band, my husband’s business or charity volunteering), so I would be the supporting act of something amazing.

But it never worked. Here’s why…

61 symptoms of a hidden dis-ease that sabotages your life

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

You feel stuck. You are unhappy. The time has come. You need to improve your life. You can’t go on like this.

So you prepare. You do your research. You read all the popular advice. You are determined to turn things around this time, once and for all. You hit the gym and embark on another diet but you soon lose momentum. So you remind yourself that everyone is beautiful in their own special way. But, deep inside, you suspect this doesn’t apply to you.

You update your CV and you will send it to higher paying employers…tomorrow. You hope to turn your talents into income one day but you seriously doubt anybody would pay for what you have to offer (even if you had something to offer in the first place). You attempt to stop comparing yourself to other people but your sister is so much better at it than you are. You push yourself to think positively but secretly can’t believe that good things will ever happen to you. You crafted “what I like about myself” and “what I am grateful for” lists but you question how accurately they reflect reality.

All these tried and tested techniques promise to transform struggles and suffering into success and happiness. They help so many other people. Why don’t they work for you? Why can’t you triumph over the disaster that is your life? You tried EVERYTHING! What is wrong with you??!!!!

The answer is simple: NOTHING! You are merely betting on the wrong horse!