Tag Archives for " shame "

A powerful tactic to release emotional pain

By Dr Berni Sewell | Transform your life

[MY FIRST EVER VIDEO POST] We’ve all experienced emotional pain.

Acute agony such as grief, disappointment, rage. They arise from a specific traumatic experience, are reactions to devastating loss, betrayal, injustice.

They have a clear trigger. And they subside again after a while. When life moves on.

And we with it.

But what about the emotional pain that never leaves? The chronic torture that remains with us every hour of every day. For no apparent reason.

When emotional pain becomes chronic, we feel like we want to crawl out of our skin. Run away from it all. Just make it stop.

So, we try to numb the pain. With medication, alcohol, drugs, food. We try to distract ourselves by working all hours, shopping, partying. We become addicts, alcoholics, workaholics, chocaholics, shopaholics.

All to make the pain bearable. Before it destroys us.

But numbing the pain is not the solution. We need to eradicate it. Eliminate it altogether.

And there is only one way to do it.

How to stop obsessing over your mistakes

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

Yesterday I had a meeting at a hospital about an hour away from home. And I had to drive there!

If you’ve been reading my blog posts for a while, you know that I suffered from colossal driving anxiety only a few years ago. And I didn’t get my first car (a funky orange Ford Fiesta called Cecil), until I was 28 years old.

I now believe myself to be a competent drive. However, going somewhere I’ve never been before still makes me nervous. But with the mantra “feel the fear and do it anyway”, I set off. And all went well.

Until I arrived at the hospital and the Satnav told me to turn left. Which I did.

A bit too early.

Finding myself in the “Strictly for ambulances only” entrance of the hospital. In a slight panic, I searched for a way out, while the SatNav blared “Perform a U-turn when possible”. As if to mock me in my distress.

I ended up turning around in front of the emergency department entrance. Hanging my head in shame as patients, paramedics and doctors witnessed me blocking the ambulance access.

I escaped eventually and found my way into the main patient and visitor car park.

And as I sat in my car, breathing a big sigh of relief, I realised something astonishing.

Why you never need to feel ashamed of yourself

By Dr Berni Sewell | Love yourself

I passed my driving test at first attempt when I was 18 years old. And didn’t sit on a driver’s seat again for the next 10 years.

The thought of driving a car made me feel sick with worry and anxiety. I was overwhelmed by all the actions that needed to be completed simultaneously. Clutch, accelerator, indicator, look left, right and back, use the side mirrors, watch pedestrians, traffic and stick to speed limits. It was just too much!

So, I avoided it. Convinced myself that a car in the city was impractical anyway. That the 3-hour journey to see my family on the train at weekends was more comfortable anyway. And that I enjoyed taking the bus.

But I always knew. Driving was my biggest failure.

Every time I found myself behind the steering wheel, I felt physically sick and froze, mind blank and petrified. Driving was my nemesis. An unsurmountable wall of shame I could never overcome.

Until my mind set started to change…

How to overcome fear of judgement

By Dr Berni Sewell | Overcome your fears

My husband recently acquired a new Christmas jumper. Yes, this is him modelling it in the picture! He wears it everywhere. Dropping little one off at school, to shopping, to the cinema, at restaurants. EVERYWHERE!

And not only is the jumper visually…well, let’s say flamboyant, the eyes also light up and it plays the Darth Vader theme. I kid you not!

A few years ago, I would have been mortified. Incapable of walking alongside him while his belly was trumpeting the Imperial March.

A few years ago, I would have been so embarrassed that I wanted to crawl and hide in a hole somewhere. My face would have been bright red with shame. I would have looked around anxiously, horrified of the judgement in the eyes of the passers-by.

And I would have been furious with my husband for putting me through it all. Intentionally! I would have blamed him and resented him for my suffering.

But today, I think it’s hilarious. I am actually considering getting one for myself. Because I learned two crucial truths in the past 10 years that made all the difference.