self-worth Archives - The Self-Worth Experiment

Tag Archives for " self-worth "

What's your self-worth score? TAKE THE TEST NOW!

Life is what you make of it - a eulogy
Feb 06

What to do when life is suffering – a eulogy

By Dr Berni Sewell | Discover your happiness

I had big plans for the beginning of 2022:

Launch this year’s round of the BREAK FREE from Low Self-Worth online course. Create a thriving new Facebook page for The Self-Worth Experiment. And start work on a new online course to teach people who suffer with fear and anxiety practical techniques of how to find peace and calm.

And then my Grandma died. And I found myself travelling to Austria for the funeral instead…

Read more
How to stop worrying what other people think of you
Nov 29

How to stop worrying what other people think of you

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

People often ask me how I can be so vulnerable and disclose so many of my struggles, issues and anxieties on my blog and in my emails.

“Aren’t you worried what other people will think of you?”, they ask.

“Won’t people believe you are cuckoo when you talk so openly about your many problems and the battles that go on in your head?”

“Aren’t you scared your employer will read what you write and think less of you?”

“What if your friends and family find out about your problems with anxiety and low self-worth and judge you for it?”

All valid considerations of course.

And a few years ago, I would have shared these concerns. In fact, I would not have admitted my struggles at all. Not to my friends or colleagues, not to anybody. And certainly not publicly on the internet for everybody to see.

Because I would have been terrified of the inevitable judgement.

So, what changed? Why doesn’t it bother me any longer now? Well, let me tell you…

Read more
Why you never feel good enough (and how to change that)
Jun 18

Why you never feel good enough (and how to change that)

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

For most of my life, I felt not good enough, inferior to others. And I believed that I couldn’t have what I truly desired because of it.

I yearned for a life of purpose and adventure, for excitement and extraordinary experiences. But I didn’t think I was special or brave enough.

I wanted to become a fiction writer since I was 8 years old. But I didn’t feel talented, creative or eloquent enough.

I ached to express my true Self and claim my place in this world, to just be me without apologies, doubts or fears. But I was never confident enough to pull it off, always too worried what other people would think of me.

I never felt important enough to amount to much in work and life. And I believed I was not tall or slender enough to feel good in my own body.

My entire life, I barely scraped the surface of my potential. I rarely allowed myself to shine or be me. And I always quit my dreams before I even gave them a try.

Because I thought that dreams were not for people like me. They were for better people.

And, because of that, I believed that I had to become better to finally deserve the things I desired. I obsessed about proving my worth, worked myself into the ground, adapted, distorted, exaggerated to become more special, more relevant.

But no matter what I achieved, how much I bent and faked, sacrificed myself to the obsessive pursuit of becoming a better version of myself, still I never felt good enough.

And for a long time, I resented myself for this inability to measure up. I beat myself up for being such a failure.

When it wasn’t my fault at all.

Read more
20 truths about low self-worth I wish I had known 20 years ago
Apr 07

20 truths about low self-worth I wish I had known 20 years ago

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

Twenty years ago, I lived in a constant state of “not good enough”.

I felt inferior to everyone I met, which caused social anxiety and forced me to avoid social gatherings and meeting other people.

I never believed in myself or my abilities. Low confidence and self-doubt shot me down whenever I attempted something new and worthwhile. Which kept me stuck in an inescapable state of mediocrity.
And made me beat myself up for my failure to become more than the pathetic disappointment I was.

I lay awake at night, worrying about the awful things other people may say or think about me. Overanalysing every interaction that day, to gauge where I had made a fool of myself, and how long it would be until I would be rejected. And anxious about the terrifying tasks of the next day that always seemed overwhelming and too big to handle.

In relationships, I was a pushover and people pleaser because I felt unacceptable and unlovable. And hoped I could buy some love if I pleased and served non-stop. As a consequence, people often took advantage of me, my relationships were mostly one-sided, and I was unhappy.

And I was so used to hiding my true Self that I didn’t even know who I was anymore, what I wanted from life. I just tried to get through each day without humiliating myself or being criticised or having a panic attack.

And it took all the strength I had not to hate my worthless butt. I had dreams, hopes and goals. But they seemed unreachable, ridiculous pipe dreams of a chronic loser who would never amount to anything.

In one word, my life was suffering.
All because I didn’t know 20 things about low self-worth I know today.

Read more
How to get off the emotional rollercoaster
Dec 30

How to get off the emotional rollercoaster

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

I was over the moon. Humming to the cheerful song on the car radio, I replayed my successful workday in my mind. I couldn’t believe that the project manager had thanked me personally for my contribution.

Even thinking of the acknowledgement made me smile and a happy warmth spread through my chest.

I turned right and stopped at the red traffic light. Still swaying to the music.

Also, two people had commented on my weight loss. I had worked hard to shed a few pounds. And it finally paid off.

What an amazing day!

I bounced with excitement. I couldn’t be more pleased with myself. This was the best day I…

HONK!

The angry blare of a horn sent me flying.

Adrenaline raced through my body. My chest tightened. The traffic light was green. And I had missed it turning.

I glanced in the rear-view mirror. The driver behind was shouting, making annoyed gestures.

He clearly thought I was an idiot. An incompetent imbecile.
He would get home to his wife and complain about the most useless driver in the world. They would laugh about me, make fun about my embarrassing blunder.

My stomach was in knots, my vision blurred. Please don’t make another mistake now. He’s still watching…

I pulled into the next layby and let him pass. Sobbing and shaking, I sat behind the steering wheel, too upset to move on.

How could this day have turned so awful so rapidly? What had happened to the happiness I had felt only a few moments ago?

And why was my life such an emotional rollercoaster?

Read more
How to stop being ignored and overlooked by others
Aug 30

How to stop being ignored and overlooked by others

By Dr Berni Sewell | Transform your life

When I was younger, I was used to being ignored and overlooked by others.

Whenever I joined a group of people who were chatting, and I wanted to contribute, others would talk over me. As if I wasn’t there. Nobody reacted to what I had said. As if I had never spoken.

I don’t think people did it intentionally. Or, at least most of them didn’t. But, nonetheless, it happened a lot. And it was frustrating, disheartening. And hurtful.

Especially as it took all my courage to join the conversation in the first place. And being cut dead just confirmed my belief that I had nothing of interest to share.

Maybe you have experienced this in your life.

People talking over you, overlooking you or taking credit for things you said or work you did. Without batting an eyelid.

And, like me, you may wonder why this is happening to you. Why other people do this.

Could it be their egos trying to steal the limelight at your expense? Or selfishly grabbing praise for work they did not do? Are they just so used to you being shy and kinda invisible? Are they taking advantage or mocking you?

Or, worst of all, is it possible that you really are that irrelevant?

But, in most cases, the answer is something completely different altogether.

Read more
How to stop feeling worthless during social isolation
Apr 23

How to stop feeling worthless during social isolation

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

Coronavirus rules the world right now. Spreading, infecting, killing.

The human race had to retreat into social distancing, self-isolation, quarantines and lockdowns.

And, for many people, it is the first time that they are truly alone. Cut off from their bustling lives and social interactions.

And, even if they never before struggled with low self-worth, they now feel insecure, unsettled, anxious. Because, in isolation, they are starting to doubt their worth.

Now, feeling worthless is nothing new for us introverts.

We are the social misfits, the outsiders. The ones who are always too anxious to introduce ourselves, start a conversation, invite others in.

We are the ones who never fit in, no matter what we try. The awkward rejects, who are too terrified to speak up and claim our place in society.

And we always believed that we were experiencing social isolation because we didn’t have enough worth. And as such we were unacceptable to others.

But what if worthlessness was never the origin of our social isolation? What if, instead, social isolation creates a feeling of worthlessness?

We aren’t lonely because we were worthless. Rather, we feel worthless, because we are alone. For 4 simple reasons.

Let me explain.

Read more
How to get
Jan 18

How to get me-time (and stop being irritable)

By Dr Berni Sewell | Love yourself

Have you ever asked yourself why you get so irritable?

When, all of a sudden, you feel so annoyed, or angry, or maybe upset that you could scream, cry. Tell everybody around you to just Fuck off.

It comes out of nowhere.

Ambushing you without warning.
One moment you think you are fine. The next you could strangle every person who wants something or dares to even talk to you.

The pressure in your chest chokes your breath and your brain screams: “Everybody just shut up!”

And it’s not like you at all.
You don’t usually snap at people. Or hurt them. You aren’t always so over-emotional or hyper-sensitive.

And you sure as hell don’t normally swear.

But, in this very moment, you can’t help it. It feels like you are possessed. It’s surreal.

And afterwards, when the short-tempered storm has passed, you feel so embarrassed. So guilty for being awful to the people in your life. For fighting with your partner, making the kids cry or causing your co-workers to retreat with this look of judgement in their disbelieving eyes.

You lost it.

Now you have to deal with the damage. And the shame.
You feel like you can’t live with yourself. You beat yourself up for being a terrible, emotionally unstable person. Lay awake at night seeking an explanation for your mood swings. Wrecking your brain.

Why do you become so irritable, out of the blue, without reason? What is wrong with you?

When the answer is: Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you.
You are just neglecting something essential.

Read more
How to break the worthlessness habit (even if you failed in the past)
May 28

How to break the worthlessness habit (even if you failed in the past)

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

Do me a favour.

Cross your arms in front of your chest. Done? How does it feel?

Natural? Comfortable? Safe? Normal?

Now cross your arms the other way. Whichever arm was on top before goes underneath and the other way around. Give it a go.

If you are anything like me, you’ll struggle to even figure out how to do it. Do it anyway. For the (self-worth) experiment’s sake.

How does this feel now?

It feels wrong, right? Awkward, unnatural and weird. And you yearn to stop and revert to the way you’re used to. The nice, safe, comfy way.

That’s because your mind, when given half a chance, will try to maintain the status quo. It will encourage you to stick with common practice. Do things the usual way. Even if it’s against common sense.

Just think about a dessert buffet. When confronted with the choice between a selection of mouth-watering cakes and fruit salad, we will almost certainly pick the cake. Even though we know the fruit salad is healthier.

While common sense warns that we’ll regret eating the cake, common practice still makes us scoff it. It’s habit. What we’ve always done and always will do. Even if we beat ourselves up for it afterwards because we know it harms our body.

And we do this for one simple reason…

Read more
How to wipe out 100% of your worthlessness (in a single moment)
May 19

How to wipe out 100% of your worthlessness (in a single moment)

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

Work is insanely busy at the moment.

And I spend most of my days doing things I don’t enjoy much (such as data analysis, document review and questionnaire design). Sometimes it feels like all I do is sleep, work and drive to and from work.

So, today, in the car (to work), out of the blue, I thought: “When will I get a chance to live?”

And from the furthest corner of my mind a little voice replied: “You are living. Now.”

It was a much-needed reminder of the importance of living in the present. Because the present moment is all we have.

The past is gone, nothing but scattered memories and emotions we cling on to. And our future is fiction, a movie of the mind. A mere projection fed by past experiences, fears and worries. But none of it real.

So, we can only live in the moment. We can only be happy right here. Right now.

And it’s the present where we ARE 100% worth. Let me explain.

Read more
1 2 3 5
>