love Archives - The Self-Worth Experiment

Tag Archives for " love "

What's your #1 happiness killer? TAKE THE TEST NOW!

The 3 secrets to happy relationships that last
Jan 31

The 3 secret ingredients for happy relationships that last

By Dr Berni Sewell | Improve your relationships

What makes a happy relationship that lasts?

The right partner? With shared interests, passions and world views? Undying love, commitment, trust? Faithfulness, honesty, equality? The ability to communicate, overcome conflict and grow together?

All of the above? Or something else altogether?

The more people you ask, the more you’ll realise that the number of potential ingredients for a happy relationship is infinite. And none of us knows the definitive recipe for relationship bliss.

So, finding that one person to love, becomes a matter of trial and error. Mere luck at best and impossible at worst.

But still we search. Anxious to be loved, to become one with another. Find our other half, to finally be whole. And happy.

So, we stumble from one partner to the next. Trying to unearth that top-secret recipe to our “happily ever after”, we bend, distort, please. Compromise, put up, tolerate. Battling rejection, heart-ache and disappointment on the way.

Until we become disillusioned by our inability to make it work. Frustrated by our failures, furious with ourselves and the world. And we start to doubt.

Are we impossible to love? Are we destined to roam this Earth alone? Doomed to a half-life of solitude, longing and misery?

We blame our unlovable nature and incompatible partners for our unhappiness. And hate ourselves for our incompetence.

Because, despite all our struggles and sacrifices, the true recipe for a happy relationship still eludes us.

When, in fact, we are only missing 3 essential ingredients.

Read more
5 empowering steps to overcome self-sabotage
Oct 24

5 empowering steps to overcome self-sabotage

By Dr Berni Sewell | Discover your happiness

Just over a year ago, I wrote a blog post about the simple reason why you never get what you want. It was based on the premise that the Universe loves us. Every one of us. It wants us to be happy and yearns to provide all that we need to live an abundant and fulfilling life.
This is something I deeply and truly believe in.

But yesterday, I received this message about my article:

“What a load of crap! The universe doesn’t give you what you want, since what you want usually involves other people or something else, and that is what we don’t have control of. Not everybody gets what they want no matter what they do. In my opinion, the Universe is cruel and evil.”

It broke my heart to read this message. Not for my sake (I’ve been immune to criticism for quite a while now). But for hers!

I can empathise with all the anger and frustration that result from a life that feels unfair. From having your dreams and hopes crushed every time you try. From having to resign yourself to the suffering and misery of a life you didn’t want. Where everything seems to go wrong all the time.

But the Universe doesn’t hate you! It didn’t deal you a bad hand out of spite. And it certainly doesn’t trip you up through sheer vindictiveness.

Your negative experiences and unhappy circumstances are not the Universe’s fault. They all just boil down to one word:

Self-sabotage.

Read more
A sure-fire way to fix your relationship with yourself
Jul 21

The sure-fire way to fix your relationship with yourself

By Dr Berni Sewell | Love yourself

Last week I was making my herbal tea to drink throughout the morning. As I do every day.

But as I poured the boiling water into the jug, the glass exploded and scorching liquid gushed towards me. In panic, I hurdled backwards, stumbling over one of little one’s toys.

And while I thankfully avoided a third degree burn, I tore a muscle in my thigh. Which rendered me immobile for the rest of the day.
So I sat on the sofa. Analysing some cancer outcome data for work, watching daytime TV and twiddling my thumbs.

Looking around, I could see all the chores that were waiting for me. The chaotic piles of toys, dusty floors, mountains of dirty dishes were mocking me from afar.

It upset me that I couldn’t tackle the mess or cook dinner for my family. I felt guilty because my husband had to cater to my needs and take over the child care. And I was disappointed that I would have to suspend my newly-established yoga practice.

As I brooded over all the things I should do, ought to complete or was missing out on, I started to feel angry.

“You stupid, idiot thigh,” I grumbled. “If you weren’t hurt, I wouldn’t be so restricted. I wouldn’t be such a burden to others. I wouldn’t be so useless!”

And the moment I said it, I knew how wrong it was.

Read more
How to rediscover joy in everyday life
Jun 08

How to rediscover joy in everyday life

By Dr Berni Sewell | Discover your happiness

Joy is the Holy Grail of feelings. We all strive to be joyful, yearn to find joy in our lives.

But, if you are honest, when did you last feel really joyful? When did you last “jump for joy”? When was the last time your heart was bursting with love, happiness and the sheer joy of being alive?

For most of us it’s so long ago, we can’t even remember. Maybe in early childhood, when life was less complicated and serious. Before our struggles and responsibilities beat all the joy out of us. Before too much suffering, rejection, abuse, neglect sucked it from our injured hearts.

And yet, we never stop searching for it. We sense that it should be a natural part of our Being. Its complete absence from our life bothers us, causes us pain, distress and anxiety.

What are we doing wrong?!

We listen to celebrities and gurus tell us about what joy feels like. Describe how they rediscovered it and how “you can do it too”. Every day our minds are flooded with TV commercials implying that we can find joy if we buy a trendy perfume, a fast car or certain brand of dish soap.

And we try. We buy. But still, joy eludes us. A new exercise regime, meditation practice or purchase may give us pleasure for a while, but it never lasts.

And we start to think: “Maybe I’m not good enough? Maybe I just don’t deserve joy in my life? Maybe joy is only for people who are better than me, more spiritually inclined. Who cope better with the trials and tribulations of life?”

But it has nothing to do with your deservedness, your societal status, scent or level of enlightenment (or lack thereof).

In fact, there are only 3 simple (yet tragic) reasons why joy is absent from your life.

Read more
>