Tag Archives for " judgement "

How to avoid social isolation (when you are an introvert)

By Dr Berni Sewell | Love yourself

For me, as a highly sensitive, introvert empath, High School was hell. I enjoyed reading books more than trips to the shopping mall. Preferred gardening to “meeting up with the boys”, actually loved learning and detested the obligatory Saturday night partying.

I was a geek, a teacher’s pet with uncool hobbies, unexciting interests and oddball opinions. But still, I wanted to be accepted. Be part of the popular crowd.

So, throughout my school years, it seemed like I only had two options:

Be true to my authentic Self and face rejection, bullying and loneliness. Or deny my true nature, renounce my interests and adapt my personality to fit in and avoid social isolation.

And both of these options meant suffering. But there was a third option. It was right in front of me all the time. I just never allowed myself to see it.

How to stop obsessing over your mistakes

By Dr Berni Sewell | Heal your self-worth

Yesterday I had a meeting at a hospital about an hour away from home. And I had to drive there!

If you’ve been reading my blog posts for a while, you know that I suffered from colossal driving anxiety only a few years ago. And I didn’t get my first car (a funky orange Ford Fiesta called Cecil), until I was 28 years old.

I now believe myself to be a competent drive. However, going somewhere I’ve never been before still makes me nervous. But with the mantra “feel the fear and do it anyway”, I set off. And all went well.

Until I arrived at the hospital and the Satnav told me to turn left. Which I did.

A bit too early.

Finding myself in the “Strictly for ambulances only” entrance of the hospital. In a slight panic, I searched for a way out, while the SatNav blared “Perform a U-turn when possible”. As if to mock me in my distress.

I ended up turning around in front of the emergency department entrance. Hanging my head in shame as patients, paramedics and doctors witnessed me blocking the ambulance access.

I escaped eventually and found my way into the main patient and visitor car park.

And as I sat in my car, breathing a big sigh of relief, I realised something astonishing.

How to overcome fear of judgement

By Dr Berni Sewell | Overcome your fears

My husband recently acquired a new Christmas jumper. Yes, this is him modelling it in the picture! He wears it everywhere. Dropping little one off at school, to shopping, to the cinema, at restaurants. EVERYWHERE!

And not only is the jumper visually…well, let’s say flamboyant, the eyes also light up and it plays the Darth Vader theme. I kid you not!

A few years ago, I would have been mortified. Incapable of walking alongside him while his belly was trumpeting the Imperial March.

A few years ago, I would have been so embarrassed that I wanted to crawl and hide in a hole somewhere. My face would have been bright red with shame. I would have looked around anxiously, horrified of the judgement in the eyes of the passers-by.

And I would have been furious with my husband for putting me through it all. Intentionally! I would have blamed him and resented him for my suffering.

But today, I think it’s hilarious. I am actually considering getting one for myself. Because I learned two crucial truths in the past 10 years that made all the difference.

How to embrace your introvert nature (even if you feel uncool and boring)

By Dr Berni Sewell | Love yourself

All my life I felt torn. I hated the hustle and bustle of shopping centres, bars and pubs. I loathed the unbearable noise and suffocating crowds in discos and at concerts.

I felt grumpy and irritated all day if I had to go to a party that evening. And once there, I wished I could be home in front of the TV with my latest needlework project.

While I loved my uneventful hobbies and never was bored myself, I felt that other people judged me: Look at that superbore! Could she be any more old-fashioned, dull and uncool?

I lived in constant fear of humiliation, ridicule and rejection. It hurt when others made fun of me. At times, I felt isolated and lonely because I didn’t socialise enough to meet new people. And my aversion to everything cool, hip or “in” suggested that something was seriously wrong with me.

And, back then, I only saw one solution to the problem…