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You worry far too much about what other people think about you and how you compare to others. And you feel guilty prioritising yourself.
You blame your unhappiness on your circumstances, other people and stress. But deep down you feel unworthy, inferior to others. That’s why you work harder than anybody else. You always demand perfection from yourself. And you try to please everybody, always. Which is why you often feel run down and overwhelmed.
Giving your personal power away to others, making your happiness dependent on their opinions and not taking true responsibility for your life, is your #1 happiness killer. Simply because it has a devastating impact on all areas of your life.
Your career and work life:
You are a true perfectionist. And you want others to be pleased with you, always. You try to justify your existence, prove your worth. Critisicm shatters you to your deepest core. You get defensive easily, overanalyse and tend to beat yourself up for your mistakes. You regularly compare yourself to your colleagues. Measuring your own achievements up against everybody else’s. And, in your mind, you always fall short.
You are prone to being stuck in jobs you don’t enjoy because you think you have to meet other people’s expectations in you. You aren’t even sure you know what you really want. Sometimes you feel like you are wasting your life away. You crave finding your own way, your true calling. Making good money doing what you love. But following your passions seems a silly pipe dream. It simply isn’t practical and you are worried others wouldn’t understand and might judge you for it. So you stay put. Selfless, sensible, reliable. And unfulfilled.
Your relationship with yourself:
You struggle to express your true self. You always feel like you have to be more or better than you are to be accepted by others. Sometimes you think you only have an identity as a parent, a partner, a professional. You don’t know who you really are without being defined through others.
You want others to accept you, approve of you and like you. You try to please them at all times. Be perfect for them. Make their lives easier. So, you are kind, loyal, thoughtful, caring, hard working and responsible. For them. But not for yourself. You feel selfish if you prioritise yourself. You sacrifice yourself for others. And you feel broken, exhausted, like crying. You tend to think negatively, feel horribly guilty and punish yourself for being a failure. Because you never feel good enough to deserve their attention, love and respect.
Your relationships with other people:
You are always there for other people when they need support, care or somebody to listen. But you often feel that people around you don’t truly value you. You are often left alone with your problems. You don’t dare to ask for help because you don’t want people to see your weakness.
In love relationships you tend to blame yourself if your partner appears unhappy. So, you often allow your partner full control over your relationship and any desicions that affect you as a couple. While this fulfills your urge to please others, it can also cause resentment and anger because you never really get what you want.
Your people-pleasing tendencies put you at risk of being taken advantage of. This can get you stuck in exploitative relationships which you can’t seem to escape. Because, subconsciously, you only feel deserving of love when you contribute, invest and sacrifice.
Where do you go from here?
You’ve heard it before, right? Happiness is an inside job. Be happy just because you are alive, just because you can.
And you want to be happy! But it’s almost impossible with a happiness killer ruining all your efforts. It’s almost impossible to be happy without having power over your own life!
So, this is your task. Learn to regain your power. Eradicate the happiness killer. And happiness will appear in your life. Automatically.
How to eradicate your #1 happiness killer
Repeat the affirmation with intent and focus at least 10 times a day. Ignore the resistance of your mind. It’s a new idea that goes against what you believed about yourself for most of your life. Your mind will need time and consistent repetition to accept the new paradigm. Just keep going! It can transform your life!
Lie or sit down comfortably. Focus on your breathing for a few moments. Take 3 deep breaths through your nose. Take 3 deep breaths through your mouth. Now, take 3 deep breaths through your heart (Note: you will be breathing through your nose but visualise the breath entering your body through the centre of your chest).
Once you are confident breathing through your heart, visualise inhaling the word “STRENGTH” through your heart and exhale through your stomach area. Open your heart and accept the feeling of strength and personal power. Continue as long as you are comfortable.
Repeat whenever required but at least once daily.
Your feelings of powerlessness are caused by lack of self-worth.
You please others because, deep down, you believe that you aren't good enough for their friendship, respect and attention. You don't deserve their love.
You are convinced that others only tolerated you as long as you are useful, contribute your share and prove your worth. You are terrified that they will abandon you if you don’t comply, disappoint them or ever dare to say “no”.
Low self-worth causes fear of rejection. And fear of rejection produces guilt. An all-consuming pressure to do more, be better and try harder if you want to maintain your relationships and keep your job.
So pleasing others becomes a compulsive overcompensation for lack of self-worth and self-love. With guilt overpowering you every time you chose to prioritise yourself.
Because, deep down, you believe you are unacceptable, unlovable. Worthless.
People pleasing and powerlessness isn’t the real problem, it is merely a symptom. If you want to learn to prioritise yourself, reclaim power over your own life, you have to heal your low self-worth.
If you need help with healing low self-worth, you can use the free "Healthy Self-Worth Starter Kit" which includes the 7-day "Self-Worth Booster" email course.