Category Archives for "Discover your happiness"

What to do when life is suffering – a eulogy

By Dr Berni Sewell | Discover your happiness

I had big plans for the beginning of 2022:

Launch this year’s round of the BREAK FREE from Low Self-Worth online course. Create a thriving new Facebook page for The Self-Worth Experiment. And start work on a new online course to teach people who suffer with fear and anxiety practical techniques of how to find peace and calm.

And then my Grandma died. And I found myself travelling to Austria for the funeral instead…

5 empowering steps to overcome self-sabotage

By Dr Berni Sewell | Discover your happiness

Just over a year ago, I wrote a blog post about the simple reason why you never get what you want. It was based on the premise that the Universe loves us. Every one of us. It wants us to be happy and yearns to provide all that we need to live an abundant and fulfilling life.
This is something I deeply and truly believe in.

But yesterday, I received this message about my article:

“What a load of crap! The universe doesn’t give you what you want, since what you want usually involves other people or something else, and that is what we don’t have control of. Not everybody gets what they want no matter what they do. In my opinion, the Universe is cruel and evil.”

It broke my heart to read this message. Not for my sake (I’ve been immune to criticism for quite a while now). But for hers!

I can empathise with all the anger and frustration that result from a life that feels unfair. From having your dreams and hopes crushed every time you try. From having to resign yourself to the suffering and misery of a life you didn’t want. Where everything seems to go wrong all the time.

But the Universe doesn’t hate you! It didn’t deal you a bad hand out of spite. And it certainly doesn’t trip you up through sheer vindictiveness.

Your negative experiences and unhappy circumstances are not the Universe’s fault. They all just boil down to one word:

Self-sabotage.

How to rediscover joy in everyday life

By Dr Berni Sewell | Discover your happiness

Joy is the Holy Grail of feelings. We all strive to be joyful, yearn to find joy in our lives.

But, if you are honest, when did you last feel really joyful? When did you last “jump for joy”? When was the last time your heart was bursting with love, happiness and the sheer joy of being alive?

For most of us it’s so long ago, we can’t even remember. Maybe in early childhood, when life was less complicated and serious. Before our struggles and responsibilities beat all the joy out of us. Before too much suffering, rejection, abuse, neglect sucked it from our injured hearts.

And yet, we never stop searching for it. We sense that it should be a natural part of our Being. Its complete absence from our life bothers us, causes us pain, distress and anxiety.

What are we doing wrong?!

We listen to celebrities and gurus tell us about what joy feels like. Describe how they rediscovered it and how “you can do it too”. Every day our minds are flooded with TV commercials implying that we can find joy if we buy a trendy perfume, a fast car or certain brand of dish soap.

And we try. We buy. But still, joy eludes us. A new exercise regime, meditation practice or purchase may give us pleasure for a while, but it never lasts.

And we start to think: “Maybe I’m not good enough? Maybe I just don’t deserve joy in my life? Maybe joy is only for people who are better than me, more spiritually inclined. Who cope better with the trials and tribulations of life?”

But it has nothing to do with your deservedness, your societal status, scent or level of enlightenment (or lack thereof).

In fact, there are only 3 simple (yet tragic) reasons why joy is absent from your life.

What’s your purpose in life (and why it matters much less than you think)?

By Dr Berni Sewell | Discover your happiness

Yesterday I had an astonishing realisation while I watched my cats sleeping on the sofa.

They were snoozing away peacefully. Blissfully content to spend the majority of their days chilling, relaxing and dozing without a care in the world.

And it occurred to me that our perspectives of life are entirely different. While cats nap all day (only interrupted by eating, casual strolls around the garden, stalking the occasional bird and, from time to time, defending their estate against foreign intruders), us humans are constantly on the go.

We rush around, stressed, anxious and breathless. Hustling, slaving, burning ourselves out. Sacrificing our emotional, mental and physical health so we can achieve, accomplish and contribute to society. So we have purpose and our life means something.

We believe that purpose is a prerequisite for happiness. But observing my cats in their slumber, I realised that they were perfectly happy. Without the need to find purpose in their lives.

So why is purpose so important for us?

A peaceful way to restore emotional balance

By Dr Berni Sewell | Discover your happiness

“The neighbours will call the police if you don’t stop screaming!”

My boyfriend was gripping my wrists. He pinned me into a corner of his bedroom. I could see the concern in his eyes. And the disbelief.

I tried to clear my head. It felt as if I was waking up from a nightmare. A tsunami of self-loathing and shame washed over me. What was going on? What was wrong with me?

Tears streamed down my face. My throat was sore because I had been screaming for minutes. My hands were bruised and aching where I had punched my fists against the walls.

I didn’t even know what had triggered the outburst. A small, innocent remark? A tiny criticism?

My boyfriend was the most caring, gentle and patient person I knew. He didn’t deserve this appalling behaviour, the emotional abuse and heartache.

And it wasn’t the first time either. For the last weeks I had lashed out at him whenever we met. One moment I was fine. The next I was overpowered by all-consuming anger and aggression. Without apparent reason.

Was I losing my mind?

5 easy tactics to combat negativity (even if it’s in your nature)

By Dr Berni Sewell | Discover your happiness

Yesterday, when I picked my 4-year old up from nursery, she wanted to go and play in the park. I said no as we had a dentist appointment which triggered a minor tantrum.

As little one whimpered and complained, her best friend turned around and said: “You are being very silly!”

The moment she said it, I could see little one’s heart break. She collapsed on the floor, burst in tears and wept inconsolably until we got home and bribed her with a gingerbread man.

We went on to have a lovely afternoon. Lots of fun and games, stickers, compliments and laughter at the dentist and loads of cuddles.

When I tucked her in at night and asked whether she had a good day, she replied: “No! Celeste said I was silly!”

And it made me wonder. Why can a whole day of positives not outweigh one negative? Why do we focus on the negatives so much?

The simple reason why you never get what you want

By Dr Berni Sewell | Discover your happiness

When I was at the height of my anxiety, life as a whole was a threat. And it didn’t only seem this way. It was!

Every letter in my post box was a bill, demand note or bad news. Every train I took broke down or was delayed. Every electrical appliance I bought was faulty. Every cold going around would find its way to me.

I felt stressed, terrified and somewhat victimised. Everything I touched was destined to go wrong, turn into a catastrophe or make me unhappy.

And I couldn’t help but ask myself “Why does the Universe hate me?”

Until I started to watch “The Big Bang Theory” and I realised that the Universe doesn’t hate anybody! The problem is merely that the Universe behaves like Sheldon Cooper. I’ll explain…

Why failure can be good for us

By Dr Berni Sewell | Discover your happiness

I am Austrian. And Austrians ski. Actually, we learn it in school! It’s part of the curriculum! I kid you not!

So there I was, at 13 years old, finding myself on my second school skiing course. I tried my best to control the two planks on my feet. I made efforts not to fall out of ski lifts. I strained my eyes in an attempt to defeat my snow blindness. And I could still feel my legs turning down the slopes when I was lying in my bed at night.

But still, at the end of the week, my teacher took me to one side and said: “Berni, you are hopeless. You are a menace to yourself and others. Please do us all a favour and NEVER ski again.”

I was shocked. Despite all the blood, sweat and tears (literally!), I was a complete and utter skiing disaster. The school skiing dummy. Loser of the year. A failure. How could this have happened?

What to do when you are bullied by a narcissist

By Dr Berni Sewell | Discover your happiness

Have you ever dealt with a full-blown narcissist in your life?

They flatter you, court you, are nice and accommodating while it serves their purpose. Once you realise that this isn’t a mutual relationship, you are stuck.

The narcissists invest just enough time, energy and money to keep you amused. They tangle carrots on sticks in front of your nose and persuade you to stay another day.

But all the while you know that they are taking advantage of you, betraying you behind your back and abusing your good will, loyalty and dedication.

Living with a narcissist as your partner, parent or in work is frustrating, exasperating and painful. It undermines your self-worth and confidence. You feel inferior, never good enough for them.

Yet, it is extremely difficult to escape their clutch and free yourself. Because they know exactly how to lure you back in.

And once you sever your relationship for good, once you choose your physical and mental health over them, their wrath can be brutal, disproportionate (sometimes with psychopathic tendencies) and unforgiving.

But why is that?

Why do narcissists act and react the way they do? What is driving them?

And why do we fall in narcissists’ traps? Why is it so difficult to escape?

But, most importantly for you: how can you protect yourself?

4 simple mind shifts that will double your happiness

By Dr Berni Sewell | Discover your happiness

Let me ask you a question: Are you happy?

Or do you worry too much what other people think or say about you? Beat yourself up for the plunders of the past, endlessly replaying “what if” scenarios in your mind.

Regretting what was and aching for what could have been.

Do you lay awake at night agonising about the future? The fires you fight, the financial problems, dysfunctional relationships and stressful jobs.

I know you are doing your best. But it is never enough.

You feel anxious and depressed. Forever waiting for that perfect person, that sum of money or once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to finally appear and make you happy.

Other people have happiness in their lives. So, why don’t you? You’ve tried everything. But you never get a break. You never feel peace, contentment and joy. You are never truly happy.

So, what is wrong with you?